My Heart

doesn't feel very good.

I know going to BYU is the right thing for me to do right now but really why does it have to be so hard?...

How can I stand leaving Travis and Jorge and my family and my dog?

The thing with Travis and Jorge is that in all reality, this will be the last time our friendships will be the way they are. Because while I'm gone, they'll leave on their missions. And of course since I'll be at BYU (haha) it will be a possibility that I'll get married while they're gone. Then we can't be best friends anymore.

I know that when I get married I will be so happy and everything will fall into place. But as I'm not married right now, or I guess since I don't have that "significant other," it seems pointless to lose my friendship with Travis and Jorge. Does that make sense? I mean not that I'm basing my happiness on boys but just the fact that things have to change right now instead of when I actually meet someone. I'm not doing a very good job of writing what I'm feeling. Anyways.

I feel like there is an impending loneliness coming my way. I know I'll get through it and things really will turn out well in the end, that they'll turn out the way Heavenly Father has in mind, but the journey to that point isn't easy. Life isn't easy. It is emotionally draining. Gaaahhh. I love Travis and I love Jorge. I love my mom and my dad and my brother. Things will be okay. They have to change and the process will be hard, I just have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the long run.

I will really miss my brother Travis. We've had such a fun time together these past few months. We've grown a lot closer, we're best friends. It's going to be hard to leave him.

I will miss this period of my life. I move Tuesday.

Really really ridiculously long-looking.

So I have been quite busy since my last post. On Friday, November 20, my mom, grandma, aunt and I flew to Portland, Oregon for my cousin Paul's wedding. It was sooooo pretty there!! Oh my gosh. Here's a picture of me, Uncle Mark, Mom, and Aunt Donna. This was actually when we were all getting ready to fly home after the wedding but it's too hard to arrange picture on this blog.


So I saw New Moon in Portland (and have since seen it two more times). And I fell in love with Taylor Lautner/Jacob Black. I know I'm so lame! Haha! I'm not like a huge Twilight fanatic. I've read the books and like them (but HATE the fourth book) but oh man...I need to find me a man like Jacob!! I've decided when I get to BYU I'm going to see if they have a Native American club....if so, I'm joining! Anyways, it was so sad to leave Oregon because it was all foresty and rainy like Forks (the town in Twilight) and I felt like Jacob was really running around in the forest so when I was going home I was leaving him behind!! Hahahah oh my gosh I'm so......yes.

Anyways here are some of the pretty pretty pictures I took!! There's more on my facebook too.

Here's my mom and I at the temple inside the atrium. (Yeah there was an atrium inside of the temple! It was so cool!! And a nice warm refuge from the freezing cold...I don't know how I'm going to survive in Provo again haha.)

Portland, Oregon temple.

Me and my cousins Erika and Amy at the reception! They are Paul's sisters.

Tah-dah! Paul and Abby Carpenter.

Alright so the night before we flew to Oregon, there was this thing called Third Thursday by the radio station Edge 103.9. Basically not-so-well-known bands play. And Travis found out that the Crash Kings were playing. On their facebook fan page they only have a 1755 fans nationwide. So not many people know of them. Anyways I have fallen in love with them and they are definitely in my top 10, if not top 5 favorite bands. So I was delighted to find out they were going to do a free concert here!! Ahhh they're amazing. Here's Tony!!!! (Kaela this is the guy who looked so much like Derek!)

And here's the full band...Just keyboard, bass, and drums. But do you see that weird bar thing sticking up in front of Tony? It's attached to this keyboard that sounds like a guitar and he plays it and the stick is kind of like a pedal and it waves the sound...it's so cool. The bassist is Tony's brother....so he also looks like Derek. Haha.

I went by myself but met up with Travis and the guys from his band and a few other of his friends. We were in the very front and singing all the words and oohhh my gosh...I can't even describe this but I'm going to attempt it: So Tony plays the keyboard and he sings. And while he was singing he'd look out at us and just start grinning while he was singing, it was so attractive! And the way he would look out at us made me want to just marry him. Haha!! But they took our group backstage after their performance and they were so excited we actually knew who they were and that we had all their songs memorized. During their performance Tony was like, "Where has this crowd been all my career!?!?" Haha it was AMAZING!! So yeah we got to talk to them for like a half hour and we bought shirts and they signed them. This paragraph does not do it justice, I guess you had to be there.

Alright. So December 1st there was a concert down in Tucson I was so excited to go to. Forever The Sickest Kids and The Rocket Summer were playing. The Rocket Summer battles Muse for the spot of my all-time favorite band. So yeah basically I am in love with this band!! And FTSK is also in my top 5. Haha you guys don't care oh well. So like I said, I was so excited for this and had been planning on going for like 3 months. Randy and I were going to go together and Travis was gonna come too. Well lame news, Randy found out he couldn't ask that day off from work. And then Travis found out he had a stupid band concert the same night. So luckily Brianna wanted to go!!!!!

We left at 3:30 and got there around 5:30 or so. The doors opened at 6 and the concert started at 6:30. There were 4 other bands playing: Some sucky band I can't remember the name of, Artist vs Poet, My Favorite Highway, and Sing It Loud. I'd never heard of any of them but all of them were so good!!! This is a picture of Brianna, Nate and I. Nate is in the band Sing It Loud and Brianna LOVES him now, it's hilarious haha!!! She calls him Nate-alicious. And she got him to sign her wallet. Omg. <3>

Here's Forever The Sickest Kids!:

And THE ROCKET SUMMER!!!!!!!:

So for those of you who don't know The Rocket Summer, this is Bryce Avary. He's pretty much a one-man band...like he writes all the songs and records every single part then just puts them together. He is amazing. (Also his wife runs the merchandise table so I got to meet her and she was so cute!) But during performances he's got other guys that come out and play the instruments he's not playing. But he started the performance playing the drums then when he stopped, the drums kept playing through the speakers and while they were going, he'd slowly add each instrument one by one. It was cool.

Here's Bryce when he CAME DOWN AND PLAYED IN THE AUDIENCE!!!!! I touched his shirt when he was crowd-surfing back onto the stage!!! Haha!

So yeah the concert was brilliant. No words for it. It got over at like 11:30. We didn't get home til 1:30 in the morning haha. I definitely ditched my morning classes to sleep.

Lacey and Becca came home for Thanksgiving so last weekend we all hung out with Matt. It was so fun. It made me miss high school. Well not high school...just the always-getting-to-be-together aspect of high school. Here we are being creepers outside of Dunkin Donuts:

And here we are being best friends outside of Dunkin Donuts:

I think we all look alike in this picture haha probably just because our hair and eyes are all the same color. Anyways.

So yeah this is my extremely-boring-to-other-people-but-ridiculously-exciting-to-me post.

Oh but here is some news that those of you who I haven't already told might find exciting:

So he will remain nameless for safety's sake, but there is this guy who I was kind of liking, but he was confusing me and I couldn't tell if he was flirting or being buddy-buddy. And so I just decided nothing was going to happen and made myself stop liking him. Well...I guess I forced my liking him go dormant haha. We were still really good friends of course. I just stopped worrying about what was going on between us.

He and I are so similar it's kind of weird. Like he is basically the male version of me but more outgoing. So it's always really fun hanging out. Well we were texting yesterday and kind of flirting (it was obviously flirting this time so I was glad for that). And then I asked him if we were still on for hanging out Thursday. He was like "Darn I knew I had something going on!! Do you work Friday or Saturday?" I told him it was fine and not to worry, and that I don't work Friday. His reply: "Dang I'm such a jerk sometimes and always forget about plans I make. Can I take you out Friday?! Just you and me?! :]" !?!? So I said yes that would be fun. I was confused and wasn't sure if this was a) a hang out, b) an I'm-sorry-we-haven't-gotten-to-hang-out-lately date, or c) a date date.

We have this running joke about going to Disneyland. Our answer to everything is "Let's go to Disneyland." So like an hour later, he texts me: "Want to go to Disneyland for our date?!" He used the word date. And I have talked to a few experts (namely Mom, Anamin, Brianna, Kaela, and Brad) and they all said it's definitely a date date. Sooo....!?!?!?!? Maybe something will happen after all. But then it's lame too since I'm moving in a month. But at the same time he has two sisters who live in the Provo area....ahh the end.

Okay one more thing. Sorry this post is so long. Yesterday I hung out with Jon Reyes. I went to his apartment and we watched Up. By the way I LOVE that movie!!! So cute. During the movie we somehow ended up closer to each other than we were when the movie started (not my doing) and he kept like making our knees touch and he kept teasing me about stuff and kind of doing that elbow nudge thing to me. And in my head I was thinking, "Oh great. He likes me." After I left I began just hoping he was being silly and that it was nothing more. Because he knows what I want in a guy. And he knows he's not it. And he knows I'm moving in a month. Well, last night he texted me asking me on a date. WHY!?!?!?!?!? Also, why do NO as in ZERO guys ask me on a date for almost an entire year since Stephen and I broke up but then two guys ask me in the same day, right before I move!?!?!?!? Ahh. Whatever.....

The end.

In Between

I thought that the BYU semester started towards the end of January, like it did my freshman year. What a nasty shock it was to learn that it in fact starts January 5th, meaning I have to move almost a month earlier than I planned. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, I am terribly excited to go to BYU. But at the same time I'm dreading it. Leaving people. Worst. Thing. Ever. Leaving my family....Travis...Jorge...Matt, Randy, Celesta, Brianna S, Brianna B, Anamin, Kaela, Jordan, Frhonda, Linda, Brad, Stephen, Trevor, Clarice...SCRUFFY....everyone. Ugh. How am I going to do this!? I feel sick whenever I think about it. It sort of feels like my body is being torn in half. Or more like my lungs and my heart are being pried out of my chest. Did you know that I hate change? Because I do!! It is so hard for me to accept the fact that this last month is more than likely the last time my friendship will be the same with Travis and Jorge. Because they are both leaving on missions soon. And if I follow the popular Mormon trend, I'll be married by the time they get home. Then we can't be best friends anymore. And that thought breaks my heart. I will miss those boys so much. They have changed my world. I know I'll be so happy with my husband, but the fact that I don't have him now makes "losing" Travis and Jorge seem stupid and pointless and ridiculous. Ughhhh my heart!!!! I sound like an idiot.

Anyways. In between. So I am in between here and Utah it feels like. In a way I'm almost afraid to have fun down here and allow myself to grow closer to my friends during this last month. Because the closer you are to someone, the harder it is to leave them. But there is no way I am going to avoid letting this happen. It's silly to stop a perfectly wonderful friendship from progressing just because I'm afraid of hurting.

Then at the same time I just can't wait to get up to BYU to be with Lacey and my old roommates and my cousin Matthew and make new friends. Get a new start. Be whoever I want.

I just keep on writing and writing because I don't feel like I'm adequately expressing what I'm feeling! Haha. Okay so is this weird? I am paranoid about EVERYTHING. Mainly I am paranoid that someone will die when I'm in Utah. (Don't worry, I literally just knocked on wood.) My worst fear I think is losing someone when I'm away, be it a family member, a friend, or my Scruffy dog. I am so afraid of losing someone. At this point, I'm most afraid of my dog dying (he's 11 I think), or my grandma, or my mom, dad, or brother getting in a car wreck and stuff. I can't even write it!!! I think I am crazy worrying about this stufff. It's so cynical of me!!! That is what I don't like about the distance that this move will put between me and everyone I love down here. I hate it.

Another thing that hurts is this is the last month things will be the same with Travis (my brother) and I. Because he'll turn 19 in April 2011, while I'll probably still be at BYU. I guess I just mean that this is really the last month we have together-together before he leaves on his mission. And that makes me so sad. I wish we were closer. We are very close but I wish it was closer. I want to do more things with him. But it's hard for two reasons. 1: He is always playing computer games and usually doesn't prefer other things over this. Not in a rude way. He just likes playing the computer all the time (which I think is sad). 2: I'm a chicken. I'm afraid to tell him how much he means to me. I know that's lame, huh? I am not criticizing my parents in ANY way, he and I were just never really raised expressing our feelings to each other. I mean feelings as in love for each other. And so I guess you could say it makes it a little awkward. Whatevvv....I should just do it.

So pretty much this post was pretty pointless and probably extremely boring to anyone who read it...I just needed to get this all out. I feel like crying!!! Change is the worst! But at the same time it is so necessary!! Whyyy???? aahhh......

I Hope You Like My Face

Because you will see a lot of it in this post.

Right now I am taking a break from writing an essay that is due tomorrow. Distracting myself with the appropriate things....eating super healthy non-fattening ice cream (yeah right), playing with my webcam, listening to music that I love way too much to listen to while I write an essay because it would completely distract me, writing a post.

I am going to tell you all a story. It is called "The Many Emotions of Lisa When It Comes to Her Sociology Class and All That It Requires."

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lisa. She was in college. She had a sociology class. The teacher required many essays of the students. Lisa didn't have too much of a problem with this because the essays didn't require much research; much of it was simply opinion. However, one week Lisa had an essay due two consecutive class periods. This is how she felt:


However, Lisa didn't really care. She generally got good scores on her essays, mainly because she was pretty good at reading her teachers and figuring out what would please them in her writing. This resulted in her receiving 50 out of 50 points on the two previous essays. She quickly wrote the first essay that was due on Monday. Then she figured the next essay would be no big deal. Here is her "no big deal" face:

The second essay, which was due Wednesday, was only assigned to a portion of the class. At the beginning of the year, each student signed up to read one of four books. And the essay due on Wednesday was about the book Lisa was supposed to read, so only a small portion of the class had two essays due in a row. The previous week when Lisa went to the library to retrieve the book she was to read and write about, she discovered the book was nearly 400 pages. She also realized she had less than a week to read it and write about it. Here is her disgusted face:

Well, it was Halloween weekend. And Lisa had a cold over the weekend. Needless to say, she didn't work on the book essay. She figured that she would be fine with skimming through a few chapters and reading cliff notes and summaries of the book online, and just using her own knowledge to complete the essay. Monday she began searching for said information online. To her disappointment, she found zero, as in none, nothing, nada, zilch, goose egg, information. This is when she started freaking out because she basically had two days to read 400 pages, write a 5-6 page essay, and do homework for other classes. Here she is freaking out:

Monday afternoon Lisa read a little more than a chapter of the book. Then it was time for work. So she left and went to work, which was acceptable. When she got home, Lisa felt extremely tired due to the minimal sleep she had been allowing herself and the cold she was suffering. The thought of reading more of the book that night made her feel like this:

So Lisa decided it would be best to just go to bed at 11:30 and save all her freaking out for the next day. The eve of when the essay was due.

When Lisa awoke in the morning, she was in a surprisingly good mood. She went to school, carrying with her the essay requirements. During one of her classes she outlined what she could of the essay without having read the book. Not too bad. And then she realized the hilarity of the situation she had placed herself in. Read 350 pages and write a 5-6 page essay in one afternoon? Haha yeah right. But alas will this one essay make that much of a difference in the eternal scheme of things? Absolutely not. So here is Lisa laughing at how much she had been freaking out and at the mere fact that what she had to do was nearly impossible:

When Lisa got home from school Tuesday, instead of rushing right into figuring out her essay, she played the piano. After the piano, she promptly got on Facebook for a few minutes and read people's blogs. After this she started her essay. Just kidding. After Facebooking and Blog Stalking, Lisa read her scriptures. Mosiah 2. Yay. THEN Lisa started in on the essay. She just didn't really care. She no longer felt the need to freak out. She began writing what she could of the essay without having read the book. And to her ferocious happiness, it was not hard at all. She realized she could completely pull stuff out of her head, out of class, and off the internet (the book was about Hurricane Katrina and all of the racism, poverty, and government failure that contributed...and many articles have been written about this same thing) to write the majority of the essay. Then she could flip through the book, praying for luck, and find the additional information she needed. She realized she was not going to die. Here she is being happy:

After a mere 45 minutes or so, Lisa was about halfway done with the essay. Granted, she still had to find her luck and pull information out of the book. But she had allll afternoon and alllll evening. No biggie. No need to freak out. What relief. She had definitely prayed for relief and calmness and she got it. So here is Lisa's "Heavenly Father really has my back even when I make stupid mistakes and create these situations for myself/I really like this great music I am listening to while I'm taking a break/In 24 hours this will all be over/Life is good" face:

And so concludes "The Many Emotions of Lisa When It Comes to Her Sociology Class and All That It Requires." The end.

As Inspired by Lacey

So the other day Lacey and I were chatting. She is having a rough time with a certain person of the male gender. I notice that things she talks about parallel my relationship with a certain friend of mine who will remain nameless lest he/she should read this. Not that it's bad in any sense. Some of you may figure out to whom I am referring. And if that happens, please don't mention names. And please don't ask because I won't say. :]

Lacey sent me this quote from a book called "Ender's Game" (which I have yet to read) that to her sums up the relationship she has with this boy. And upon reading it I have discovered how exactly it describes my relationship with the person I am thinking of.

"I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves."

To many, my friend at times seems conceited or annoying. He (so I don't have to keep saying "they" or "he/she") is sometimes really sarcastic and biting, even condescending. But as I've gotten to know this person, I know that these actions are not intentional. It's simply in his nature and often he doesn't know that he is doing it. I have spent countless hours with this friend and I truly do love him. Sometimes people talk about how rude he can come across, and it hurts me to hear it. I see what other people are saying but to me, he is a completely different person. Around me he is someone that few others see. I don't know why this is. And when I try to explain it, nobody understands because they just don't know him the way I do. But because I've had this experience, I have learned to love him as he loves himself and for this I can never truly be mad at him or fall into the line of thinking others may have. To me he is amazing and he has grown to be one of the best friends I have had in my entire life.

It's probably really obvious who this person is, so to this person: if you ever read this, I love you and I hope you know that I think highly of you. And that will never change.

Life is so bittersweet. It is so confusing. It is so demanding. Isn't it weird how "life" itself is not a tangible thing but it has so much control? It forces itself upon us whether we want it or not. And to those who are willing to learn, it teaches the most valuable lessons we can ever learn. Right now it is teaching me patience. Or maybe a more accurate description is that it is trying to teach me patience. I don't know how well I am learning it. At this point in time, I am in the midst of so many twists and turns. I am fine with the majority of possible outcomes, but I want to know RIGHT NOW what will happen. This is where I'm being forced to learn patience. And I am sure that the Lord has His reasons as to why I can't know these things RIGHT NOW.

About my last post. I am sorry for being/sounding so bitter. It was wrong of me and though I have supposed "excuses" I will not use any of them because really, they don't matter. I have talked to several people in person who told me I was not wrong feeling these emotions and in fact a few of them were more upset than I was. (By the way thanks to everyone who commented. :] ) But why have I decided I was wrong?

Today was a really good day. I've been slacking on my scripture study this week and so church and the fireside I went to tonight were literally a spiritual feast. You know that great feeling you get when you are parched and you finally drink a big glass of cold water, or how you feel when you eat dinner on Fast Sunday? That's how my spirit felt today. Sometimes I feel sorry for my spirit because I don't take as much care of it as I need to. Does that sound weird? I have improving to do.

Anyways. This all does relate to why I have decided I was wrong feeling bitter and deciding I would still be there if they needed me but wasn't going to actively pursue anything. The fireside tonight was the last fireside my stake presidency will ever give. They are being released this next stake conference, which is November 8th. They have been absolutely amazing. Anyway, it was a youth fireside but my relief society president was asked to sing a musical number and I accompanied her on the piano. And I'm glad I went.

The fireside was on the destroying effects of pornography and sexual impurity. I think this issue is more prevelant than we realize. This was the very, very last thing my stake presidency chose to speak about. Of course it's important. I can guarantee you that people you know struggle with this. People who you think lead completely righteous lives. I know this because there have been people close to me in my life who have struggled with these things but nobody knew better. On the outside they looked fine. On the inside they were dying.

I think the Lord has blessed me with compassion, and for this I am grateful. I do my fair share of judging, which I know isn't good. But when it comes to people's sins, I see that it is not my place to jump to conclusions. When I hear people say things like, "Can you believe that so-and-so did this? That is so wrong, what were they thinking?" I can only think, "How dare you judge them like that?" (which thought in and of itself I suppose is a form of judging..oops.) There is no way we should be judging people. We do not know their circumstances. Granted, no circumstances justify committing sin, but there are things that weaken you and sometimes you lose control over these things. I feel so grateful that I have had numerous friends confide in me because they knew I wouldn't judge them for what they've done. I'm not trying to sound conceited at all, if it comes across that way that is not how I mean it.

As our stake president was talking about the ball and chain that comes with pornography and other immorality, he read a letter from the son of a friend of his who had landed himself in prison as a result of a wandering life. At age 8, he learned from one of his babysitters that you can "hide" sin. At age 10, he started viewing pornography. At age 12, he was molested. Throughout his teen years he never had close girl friends because he sexualized everything and they saw this. He was ordained to the priesthood and participated in it unworthily as he lied through all of his interviews. He served a mission, still addicted to pornography. He said it was the worst 20 months of his life (he left early due to surgery). He came home and within 6 months I believe lost his chastity. His addiction was growing and he decided he needed to get married so he could have sex without breaking the law of God. So he was sealed in the temple, still addicted to porn. Things got worse and worse for him, one thing lead to another, and he ended up molesting his 13-year-old niece. His wife divorced him and he completely lost any custody and visitation rights he had to his daughters. He will probably never see them again. Needless to say he was ex-communicated. However, he is turning his life around. He recognizes the immense horrificness of what he did, and he fully understands that he deserves everything that has resulted.

Sorry, if you're still reading this you're probably wondering how this relates to the bitterness of my last post. So here it is: As I listened to the story of this man, I couldn't help but wonder how much his life would have changed if one person had reached out to him? Now I don't know that this never happened. But is it really possible for something of this magnitude to happen if the person has someone who they know truly cares about them, who will not judge them for their wrongs but rather will help them do what they need to to turn away?

And this is where I made the connection: How can I be so selfish as to put my own happiness above others'? Yeah, it's true that some people have taken advantage of my friendship and hurt me pretty badly. But it is absolutely not my place to refuse my love and help. The Savior died for me. He died for me knowing perfectly well how imperfect I am and how often I will disappoint Him. He died for me knowing that I am selfish. He died for me knowing that I will never in this life be able to love Him as much as He loves me (although I do want to!!). Knowing all of this, He literally made the ultimate sacrifice any man or woman can make--giving up their own life.

So if the Savior did this for me, even though I forget about Him sometimes or I don't stand as His witness as I should, how dare I even consider putting myself above others who hurt me in ways that don't come near comparing to how the Savior was hurt by others, by me? The way I see it now is this: I was put on this earth to love and to serve and to grow. And I cannot do this unless I continually forgive and forget. I cannot do this if I get "tired" of people walking on me and then decide I've had enough. The Savior taught that we are to "turn the other cheek." So I am going to try to put myself out there, literally as an instrument in the Lord's hands. I want to do His will. I want to be a person whose friendship and reliability is never questioned. And if that means being there for people who aren't always there for me, then so be it. I have no room to complain if I am trying to be like my Savior, who was "despised and rejected of men." (Isaiah 53:3-5) I don't think anyone despises me. So why am I complaining? I need to live my life not for myself but for the bettering of other people's lives. I need to live my life for my Savior.

This post definitely took a completely different direction than I thought it would and I apologize for its lengthiness. Anyways. Now I feel kind of weird and maybe too out there and open so I'm going to post this before I change my mind. Haha.

This and That

Is it wrong of me to be annoyed with almost everyone in my life? I guess not almost everyone, just a lot of "the usuals" in my life. And no, I am not annoyed with anyone who reads this. At least who I know reads this. I am annoyed with a few people who I never thought I would ever be annoyed with. There are people who I am beginning to care about less because they don't give me the time of day when I would readily drop anything for them. Is that rude or conceited or bad of me? I don't know. I feel bad about it. It's just hard to care when people don't care back. And it makes me angry. It hurts me a lot. Should I just deal with it/try to fix it? Or move on? It's so hard to move on from people who used to mean the world to me. A lot of things have happened recently that have made the day I move to Provo seem too far away (PS I am officially accepted and going to BYU in January. OSP kids--please don't mention it to management yet...I think that would hurt my chances of getting any potential raises which they never give out haha). I am so sad yet excited to move. But these things that have been happening just shout to me that I need something new. I will miss a lot of things/people so much though. Especially my family. I need to spend more time with them. Any feedback on this paragraph is welcomed...haha.

Anamin, Brianna and I just got back from visiting Jordan in Flagstaff today. It was a great weekend. We ate, shopped downtown, watched a movie, slept, went on walks, and went to the lava caves. It was fun to just chill with the girls (plus Edwin for one night). :] And my car did not explode. Check out my Facebook for pictures.

And about the boy I mentioned in one of my previous posts. I only like him as a friend. I think the original new-cute-boy-potential-of-something-happening situation had me giddy. He's super cool though. A great friend. We'll see where it goes. I should set my blog to private. Haha.

Well I am super tired. The weekend was crazy and awesome but very tiring. And there is something exhausting about sitting for 4 hours. Driving. How does that work? I don't know but the trip home wore me out. So I'm going to bed. :]

Blind Lead the Blind by DRATRB

PS I also have a few of their other songs on my playlist.

Please Allow Me to Release My Emotions.

So I have this friend Randy. And there's this band I am in love with called Dusty Rhodes and The River Band.

Randy and I have this thing where we constantly discuss and exchange music. So I introduced him to Dusty Rhodes and he fell head-over-heels for them. I saw them last December in concert and they were absolutely amazing.

So Dusty Rhodes was coming to The Clubhouse this Wednesday. Randy and I were going. Can I just tell you this is literally the most excited I have been in like 3 months?? And it's all he could talk about too!!!

Well I went on Dusty Rhode's Facebook page a few minutes ago to post a comment about my excitement to see them. And here is what I saw:

"Santa Fe and Tempe shows CANCELLED!! We are so sorry for the miscommunication."

And so now this is also the most depressed I've been in like 3 months. I know I sound ridiculous and those of you who actually read my blog probably don't really care and this is fine. But I am so sad!! I literally almost cried when Randy called me after I texted him and told him it was cancelled haha. We have decided to drown our sorrows by watching The Office and eating mac&cheese.

I was so excited for Dusty Rhodes! This band is epic. Like when they perform, their music is inside your lungs and engulfs your whole being. I can't even describe it. Like it's a real physical sensation and you just want to melt away and become part of the music with them.

Okay I sound insane.

So here's to Dusty Rhodes and The River Band, who broke my heart tonight.

So Here's The Truth...

Life has been great!

Wait isn't that kind of how I started my last post? Haha. I guess this is just a good part of my life.

So there's this boy.

And school's been going well. Can I please just say that having a good attitude about school and not complaining about it whether you may or may not hate it really does make it so much EASIER?

I've made a new buddy named Alex. He's in a wheelchair and when I see him I push him to class. He's so cool!

I've lost a few pounds.

I got my split ends cut off.

I have discovered that I have an amazing ability to bs my way through 4-page essays in under an hour and get a good grade. Well actually I already knew that, but I have discovered that this skill has improved. So that's really helpful. :]

Conference is this weekend!

And music!! Here are some of my current interests:

Sunset Shoot--Here With You

The Format--Sore Thumb, Tie the Rope

Fun.--Be Calm, The Gambler, Walking the Dog

The Rocket Summer--All I Have, Brat Pack

One Hot Minute--My Kinda Town

The Jakes--Cough Syrup

Forever the Sickest Kids--The Way She Moves, Uh Huh, Phone Call

Just in case you were interested. And the list goes on.

Hope life is great for all of you as well!

I Would Like Everyone to Know

that life is grand!!!

My application to BYU is almost finished (and due October 1st haha). I just have to pay the application fee and meet with my stake president. I am excited to go back (as long as I get accepted). I'm still super sad about leaving Travis, Jorge, Celesta, and all my other OSP buddies...but life will go on...I just have to keep reminding myself that both Travis and Jorge will be gone soon and at the rate boys fall for Celesta, she'll probably be married soon. Haha.

I went in to see my bishop on Tuesday night to talk about some stuff and get my ecclesiastical endorsement. A few months ago I was called as the ward choir pianist and as one of the ward pianists (meaning I take turns in the organ-playing rotation..did I already post about this). Anyways I still haven't been set apart which is my fault because I was supposed to go in and they'd do it but I kept forgetting or it'd be really crowded by the bishop's office and I'd plan on doing it the next week. Anyways. I mentioned that to him and he was like, "Oh! Well I'll get Brother Gardner to come over and we'll do it right now!" Bro. Gardner is one of the counselors and he was in the next room over. So they did it. At the end of the blessing, the bishop paused and then he blessed me about work and money and being able to afford school. Which is such a testimony builder!! Because I've been stressing about that and did not mention it to him at all.

Anyways, so my dad has this friend at work who has a daughter about my age and she works with special needs kids and makes $9/hour and the scheduling is pretty flexible. Also, Lauri Hickman told me that Karen Gibson has this job where you start at like $11.50 and they're hiring like crazy right now. The only thing is they do drug testing (I'm clean I promise!) and I've heard that it costs businesses around $1,000 for each employee. So I doubt they would want to hire me if I'll be leaving in January. Anyways, after the blessing, what am I supposed to do? Does it mean I should look for a different job that pays better? Or does it mean that soon I'll be able to get a lot of hours at OSP (because of winter of course) or a raise or something? I don't know. I need to think/pray about all of it. I just thought it was neat that this was in my blessing.

Here's something totally random: A lot of times when I'm bored or stressed, I bite my nails. Bad habit, I know. Well lately I've discovered that as I sit and work on homework, I automatically start pulling mascara off of my eyelashes. Weird??? Yes. Also annoying.

The other night Travis and I went over to Celesta's. Apparently Celesta's and my girl-talk was boring Travis because he fell asleep. I really want to put this picture on Facebook for all of the world to see but I know I would be dead within 10 minutes of him seeing it haha. So I will post it here, where he rarely looks:

Funny, huh?

Titleless.

September 11 is an important day to me for two reasons.

1: 2001. The Twin Towers. It just seems unreal that so many people died that day, and for no good reason either. It is so sad. But I love the sense of patriotism that it left us with. It's sad that that's what it had to take though. And that a lot of it's gone now. I really admire police officers and fire fighters (and people in the military for that matter) who put their personal lives/safety/happiness aside to keep us safe. We can't thank them enough.

2: It is my daddy's birthday. I love my dad! Today we celebrated as follows: He took the day off work. Took a nap. Went to see GI Joes in the movie theather (by himself...? haha). Then as a family we went to Joe's Real BBQ for dinner (so good) and Nielsen's for dessert. Afterwards we came home and opened presents and watched season 5 of The Office! Wonderful!

So I've been really emotional the past 2 weeks or so, and it is so annoying. I keep getting mad or sad over nothing. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just wish it would stop! The weekends are the worst. And as contradictory as this sounds to what I always say, I almost wish I had school on Fridays (I go Mon-Thurs). Today I just wasted my day away and was really upset about a few things. It's like if I'm not in an organized environment doing productive (and usually required) things, I fall into thinking way to hard about things that put me in a blah mood. Just not a good way to spend my day!

And while I'm talking about upsetting things, I am done being walked all over!! I don't mean to complain or make people feel sorry for me at all, I just want to get this out there because I think this is part of the reason I've been so weird the past bit. But I am tired of going out of my way for my friends any time any day and having very few of them ever do the same for me. It just sucks. I know people do care about me, it just seems like everything I do for other people doesn't matter. And when I try not to care about people (not like completely quit caring, more like not care if I can't make them happy all the time) I just feel guilty. What is my deal??

Anyways...I guess I need to update about what I've been doing the past little bit. And I'd like to say that I will but in all honesty I probably won't. Haha. I have a lot of decisions I have to make that are stressing me out (well not a lot..a few though) so I'm looking forward to getting those out of the way hopefully soon...? I just need a change!

Sorry this post was so completely random and negative. Hopefully the next one will be more enjoyable and entertaining.

The Official Decision (I think...)

Re-apply to BYU. (In progress)

Re-accept to BYU. (Hopefully)

Return to BYU in January.

Regret THOROUGHLY leaving all my best buddies in Arizona. Probably die.

Remember all the fun times I had my freshman year at BYU.

Recreate these fun events, along with others.

Remorse. Because I will miss Travis's and Jorge's last moments in AZ before they leave on their missions. (Which absolutely will kill me. But of course I'll come home for their "farewells".)

Remind myself that even though it is nearly impossible, I will (eventually) be able to survive without Celesta.

Really miss everyone. Especially friends from OSP and my family. And my dog.

Rekindle old friendships (and weakening friendships) with buddies at BYU.

Resort to odd forms of comfort--run around at midnight with a cloak on, dance on the table, scream at the top of my lungs with Lacey and Lauren, light things on fire.

Realize that I can have fun where I am even though I terribly miss everyone at home.

And then who knows what.

Ahh......

Dear Mr. Birch:

I am actually doing a post all about you of my own free will. Cool, huh?

And I think it's safe to write this "letter" because you rarely read my blog. So chances are you will never read this. And that means you will never get mad at me for writing potentially embarrassing things about you for all the world to read. Plus it will be a good outline for what I have decided is your obligatory birthday letter. I can only return the favor for the lovely letter I received from you in March.

It's been a fun summer. And for as much as we've hung out this summer, I have very few pictures to show for it. I'm even cheating and using this picture from April (you know, the day we went to the Easter pageant and accidentally wore matching clothes?):


And here's one from July at our burning party. Too bad I already posted a picture nearly identical to this in my last blog.

And here we are at Jordan's surprise party with Lily, the stinky dog, who was madly in love with you (like all female dogs you met this summer).

You are a character. I never know if you are going to poke me in the eye, tickle me, put your arm around my shoulder, or push me off the couch. I can, however, predict nearly half of the words that will come out of your mouth. Because I am awesome.

I love your weirdness. Like rolling across my floor every time you come to my house. Usually while wearing a black shirt, resulting in many accessories in the form of dog hair.

Or like your booty dance you do every time you hear a song by Gwen Stefani. And your music video you make in my car at Sonic with the rearview mirror.

Or like your frighteningly-perfect Nacho Libre impersonations.

Or like your odd/cool ideas. Buying crochet and knitting hooks then re-selling them as head-massagers. Starting an Asian techno band with my brother (Travis squared). Hiring a random man named Art Hatch (from a flyer in Jamba Juice) to install the ceiling fans in our future house.

Or like when we were cleaning up from Jordan's party and I looked in the kitchen to see you doing the dishes, wearing one of my mother's aprons.

I appreciate your friendship. I know that you'll always be my buddy, even if I make you mad by teasing you excessively or misunderstanding what you're saying about a wall in Israel (for real) or showing up to your sister's baptism to see you baptize her (!!!) after you tell me not to, even though I was invited by two other members of your family.

I can always count on you for a good time. Even if all we do is sit around on a couch for 2 hours or drive around town aimlessly. You are my best friend.

And now I will end this letter in hopes that nobody else (in addition to the 65,457,869 people who already believe that we are) will think we are dating.

Love,

Lisa.

P.S. I have to confess that I set out writing this letter with the intent to express my hurt and dismay at your irritation that I came to Emma's baptism Saturday. Because I came to support you. And to see her get baptized. But, I guess I'm just too nice (or just not skilled enough in the reprimanding department) and wrote an appreciative letter about you instead. So now you know. Please be happy about this.

Hello Blogworld

So I haven't posted for a while...aside from the Travis post. And although blogging seems slightly pointless to me, I feel like letting you all know what I have been doing since I got back from vacation (despite the fact that half of you already know a lot of it). That's what blogging's for, right?

A few weeks ago was the lovely Kaela's baby shower. Here is a picture of the said lovely, her baby, and myself. (PS Camden was born July 28th...sooo cute.)


I've also been hanging out with these hooligans. Travis "El Gringo" and Jorge.

Here's Becca, Lacey and me. We hung out a bit before Lacey went back up to the Y. I love these girls quite a lot.

And here we are doing what we've done best for 6+ years....entangling ourselves. Seriously, it happens in some way or another every time we hang out.

One night, Lacey, Matt, Travis and I had a burning party. This was a regular occurance in high school. We'd have a burning party at the end of every semester and invite tons of friends to come over and burn all their old homework and school stuff. This was a sporadic burning party, hence only four people.

Travis squared. These two boys and I have gone to my mom's school 3 times all day to help her set her classroom up. Sounds super boring, actually super fun. Especially when Travis and Travis discover things like magic fairy wands (which are barely visible in this picture...sorry about the blurriness). We also discover amazing things like dicut (how the heck do you spell that!?) machines where you can turn full sized papers into puzzles (hehe...), we draw pictures on the white board, read first-grade books to each other (there was a book called "Scruffy" [that's my dog's name] and the last line on the first page read, "Scruffy was a frisky puppy"....we lost it at that point), and have all sorts of other amazing adventures.

Along the lines of Travis Birch, we have been hanging out almost every day for the past 3 or 4 weeks. I know. What do we do? We go to Goodwill, make bowls out of vinyl records, discover new bands which are impossible to read about on the internet (The Jones), have kicking/slapping/punching fights, eat at Taco Bell and Rubios and (drink at) Jamba Juice, lay around my front room. Stuff like that. Sorry, no pictures to show for these events because he DELETED ALL OF THEM off my computer, the butt.

I had a lovely lunch with these two dear friends, Brianna and Jorge. They are so fun. We ate at Costa Vida. If you have not been there, please go, it is amazing. Northwest corner of Baseline and Val Vista in the Dana Plaza. Oh man, writing about this is making me super-crave it...bad idea!!

We said good bye to one of the coolest guys around, Scottie! For those of you who are not in this picture (haha) Scott is the blonde guy in the back with the white shirt. He left on his mission to Ogden, Utah! The day before he left, his brother Brad got home from New Zealand (bringing with him a super awesome accent!). For those of you who care and don't know, from left to right these people are: Linda, Jordan (tall one), Anamin (short one :] ), Scottie, Jorge, Travis, Me, Rhonda.

This is Matt. He was one of my very best friends in high school. We've been hanging out quite a bit lately and have been having a blast (if you couldn't tell by what I did to his shirt in this picture). He is so great. A few nights ago, Matt, Travis, my friend Mitch and I all hung out. Soo fun...we played Rockband and Guitar Hero, ate at Taco Bell, got frozen yogurt, and went to a park where we climbed on the playground and took turns trying to knock each other over. As you may have guessed, I was the only one who got knocked over. :[ This resulted in much sand in my pants.

And this is Jordan. Her birthday was August fourth. A few days before her birthday (probably 3 days), she told me that her birthdays were always lame. I felt really sad for her, so I decided to throw her a surprise party 2 days after her birthday! Here she is being surprised! She had a great time :] and I hope her birthday celebration was not so lame this year, especially since her actual birthday was quite lame from what she told me. I am quite sad though, she is going back up to NAU on Wednesday. Oh how I will miss her. I will be left with no one to carry on entire conversations using nothing but Office quotes. Sigh.

Well, that has been my life the past month or so. Thank you for joining. For more pictures of basically any of the events above, see my Facebook.

Travis Daniel Birch

This is a post about Travis because he was offended that I haven't written a post about him. He is sitting on the couch next to me right now screaming in my ear and now my head hurts and my ear is ringing. I think he is having a baby. This picture is of him being a luchador. Travis and I are getting married. Travis is one of my best friends in the world. So here Travie, I hope you are very thrilled that I have dedicated an entire post to you.


The end.

Family Vacation

*WARNING* This post has many, many pictures. Hope you enjoy.

So about a week ago we got home from our vacation, which was wonderful. We left on June 26th and got home July 6th. We started out by going to Las Vegas for a few days. Here's my lovely brother and I on the way to Vegas.

To be honest, I basically hated Las Vegas. It suffices me to say this: Sin City is the perfect name for it, I saw a real pole dancer for the first time, there is porn literally covering the sidewalks, and I don't exactly call it a "vacation" when you go somewhere that's just as hot as the valley. Not to mention we stayed in a hotel called Circus Circus which featured many, many terrifying clowns that looked like they were capable of turning into real murderers at night. I hate clowns.

Anyways. This next picture features a very, very, very tall building called the Stratosphere. And by very, very, very tall, I mean 1,149 feet or 101 stories high. And Travis and I DANGLED OVER THE EDGE!!!!

There were three rides at the top. They were all actually pretty lame but the anticipation was a killer (as is demonstrated by myself in the next picture...Travis, however, was excited). One of the rides was just a short straight track about 30 feet long or so. You'd sit in the roller coaster and the track would slowly lower over the edge of the building. Then all of a sudden you'd shoot down (straight for the ground!!) and stop right as the coaster reached the end of the track. Another ride was like a giant swing that spun you in circles over the edge of the Stratosphere. That ride actually would have been awesome if it hadn't made me nauseous.

And here is my lovely family atop the Stratosphere.

We also saw a couple of awesome water shows outside the Bellagio. The Bellagio is the building in the background...giant hotel/casino. My dad called it The Great and Spacious Building. Accurate. It looked even Greater and Spaciouser when it was all lit up.

I found Batman and the Joker after the water show was over. (For some reason the Joker doesn't creep me out...just normal clowns.)

Inside the Bellagio, the ceiling of the entranceway was covered with giant blown-glass flowers...it was so pretty! Each flower was probably about the size of an umbrella.

Peace among the chaos and terribleness. The Las Vegas temple.

Here's a picture from the temple grounds.

And a cute pic of my awesome family on the grounds! :]

FINALLY we left Vegas. We headed over to Bear Lake, California. Let me tell you, the weather was absolutely perfect. I think this was probably my favorite part of the vacation. It was such a quaint little town. I think the population is only around 5,000. They had the cutest little shops and it was just such a great place. Our hotel was amazing too. Not to mention it had a heated pool and a lovely jacuzzi. On top of that, the few days we were there, there were hardly any other guests so we often had the pool to ourselves. Here are Travis and I in front of Bear Lake.

Our family went paddle boating/canoeing on the lake but no pictures from that. They're on my mom's camera. This next picture is in the little shopping center called "The Village." My brother is being mature and poking the bear's bum.

(Okay I'll admit it....I told him to pose like this.)

Another great part of Bear Lake was their alpine slide! This thing was so awesome. For any of you who don't know what it is, it's kind of like a louge but on cement. It was SO fun!!! I made a movie going down it...I believe I posted it (along with other movies from the vacation) on Facebook.

The only bummer: Mom went way too fast around a corner, flipped, and got quite a nice flesh wound! Please notice she is laughing hysterically. To this day, it still has not healed completely. Poor Mom.

Mom, Dad and I went to the lake one night to watch the sunset. Here are a couple of pictures from that. The picture that's the background on my blog right now is from this night too.

:]

After Bear Lake, we went to Costa Mesa. I think. Or Newport....I believe we stayed in Costa Mesa but we went to Newport Beach. From what I gather, Costa Mesa and Newport are the kind of like Mesa and Gilbert...no distinction. Anyways. Here's my family in a cool elevator at the mall.

One of the days we were here, Travis and I went to Knott's Berry Farm. My favorite thing about Knott's is all of the berry bushes that grow throughout the park. You can go along and just pick the most delicious berries off the bushes and eat them. There are also several little make-it-yourself milkshake and smoothie stands where you can use the berries you pick. (Joke. This is what I told Travis Birch and he believed me. No berry bushes or milkshake/smoothie stands unfortunately.)

I got this AWESOME lion coin pouch at Knott's!! Travis (my brother) and I were trying to name him but couldn't think of anything. So we decided to call him T until we decided on a better name...but T has stuck.

And here we are at the beach. Trav dug a giant hole. He was trying to make an underground tunnel, but about halfway through he decided it would be a better idea to have Dad and I bury him in it.

Brother and I. Travis is buried in his hole in this picture too. This is after I got my terrible burn which many of you saw the effects of...you can't tell that I'm fried in this picture though. (FYI my skin is STILL peeling. It's almost done though. And I have a nice tan now.)

Here is the Los Angeles temple.

And the Newport Beach temple. Actually I don't know if it's called that or just Newport temple. Anyways.

And here are some neat pictures I took at the Newport temple. I like this next picture because it just says "GROWTH!" to me. Look what you can aspire to be! :]

And I love love love this next picture. So awesome.

This was our last day in California I think. We went to the beach to watch the sunset.

Love this picture of my brother. I kept taking random pictures of him while he was talking to me and this is one of them. You can kind of see his racoon eyes from his sunglasses.

Here is his model pose.

And here we are.

And here is the sunset in all of its glory.

I put this next picture up because out of all the pictures I took, it most clearly shows my sunburn despite the blurriness. Let me tell you, it KILLED!!! I got blisteres all over my chest, arms, back, and knee pits (though some of them didn't surface til we went home). Every single time I would move at all while I was asleep, I would wake up because it hurt so bad. For 3 nights I believe. There was one point where I couldn't even take my shirt off because it hurt too bad to bend my arms in that manner. So I wore the same shirt for 2 1/2 days. Gross, I know. Said shirt is featured in this picture. My brother also got burned pretty badly, and due to these burns, we did nothing to celebrate the 4th of July :[ I was bummed.

I'm sure you'd all like to know that I also didn't wear a bra for two or three days. Hence the jacket. Haha.

Here's my brother and I just being goofy. In Bear Lake there was this little shop where everything was $3. That's where I got this hat (and another one in a different color...plus one for Travis Birch and one for Lacey). Don't ask me when I'll ever wear it....since winters are so cold and snowy in the valley...

Overall, it was a very awesome trip and it was a great chance to make new memories with my family and grow closer to them. It was so fun! But it was certainly good to come home....despite the 115 degree weather that greeted us. Ugh.