My Heart

doesn't feel very good.

I know going to BYU is the right thing for me to do right now but really why does it have to be so hard?...

How can I stand leaving Travis and Jorge and my family and my dog?

The thing with Travis and Jorge is that in all reality, this will be the last time our friendships will be the way they are. Because while I'm gone, they'll leave on their missions. And of course since I'll be at BYU (haha) it will be a possibility that I'll get married while they're gone. Then we can't be best friends anymore.

I know that when I get married I will be so happy and everything will fall into place. But as I'm not married right now, or I guess since I don't have that "significant other," it seems pointless to lose my friendship with Travis and Jorge. Does that make sense? I mean not that I'm basing my happiness on boys but just the fact that things have to change right now instead of when I actually meet someone. I'm not doing a very good job of writing what I'm feeling. Anyways.

I feel like there is an impending loneliness coming my way. I know I'll get through it and things really will turn out well in the end, that they'll turn out the way Heavenly Father has in mind, but the journey to that point isn't easy. Life isn't easy. It is emotionally draining. Gaaahhh. I love Travis and I love Jorge. I love my mom and my dad and my brother. Things will be okay. They have to change and the process will be hard, I just have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the long run.

I will really miss my brother Travis. We've had such a fun time together these past few months. We've grown a lot closer, we're best friends. It's going to be hard to leave him.

I will miss this period of my life. I move Tuesday.

Really really ridiculously long-looking.

So I have been quite busy since my last post. On Friday, November 20, my mom, grandma, aunt and I flew to Portland, Oregon for my cousin Paul's wedding. It was sooooo pretty there!! Oh my gosh. Here's a picture of me, Uncle Mark, Mom, and Aunt Donna. This was actually when we were all getting ready to fly home after the wedding but it's too hard to arrange picture on this blog.


So I saw New Moon in Portland (and have since seen it two more times). And I fell in love with Taylor Lautner/Jacob Black. I know I'm so lame! Haha! I'm not like a huge Twilight fanatic. I've read the books and like them (but HATE the fourth book) but oh man...I need to find me a man like Jacob!! I've decided when I get to BYU I'm going to see if they have a Native American club....if so, I'm joining! Anyways, it was so sad to leave Oregon because it was all foresty and rainy like Forks (the town in Twilight) and I felt like Jacob was really running around in the forest so when I was going home I was leaving him behind!! Hahahah oh my gosh I'm so......yes.

Anyways here are some of the pretty pretty pictures I took!! There's more on my facebook too.

Here's my mom and I at the temple inside the atrium. (Yeah there was an atrium inside of the temple! It was so cool!! And a nice warm refuge from the freezing cold...I don't know how I'm going to survive in Provo again haha.)

Portland, Oregon temple.

Me and my cousins Erika and Amy at the reception! They are Paul's sisters.

Tah-dah! Paul and Abby Carpenter.

Alright so the night before we flew to Oregon, there was this thing called Third Thursday by the radio station Edge 103.9. Basically not-so-well-known bands play. And Travis found out that the Crash Kings were playing. On their facebook fan page they only have a 1755 fans nationwide. So not many people know of them. Anyways I have fallen in love with them and they are definitely in my top 10, if not top 5 favorite bands. So I was delighted to find out they were going to do a free concert here!! Ahhh they're amazing. Here's Tony!!!! (Kaela this is the guy who looked so much like Derek!)

And here's the full band...Just keyboard, bass, and drums. But do you see that weird bar thing sticking up in front of Tony? It's attached to this keyboard that sounds like a guitar and he plays it and the stick is kind of like a pedal and it waves the sound...it's so cool. The bassist is Tony's brother....so he also looks like Derek. Haha.

I went by myself but met up with Travis and the guys from his band and a few other of his friends. We were in the very front and singing all the words and oohhh my gosh...I can't even describe this but I'm going to attempt it: So Tony plays the keyboard and he sings. And while he was singing he'd look out at us and just start grinning while he was singing, it was so attractive! And the way he would look out at us made me want to just marry him. Haha!! But they took our group backstage after their performance and they were so excited we actually knew who they were and that we had all their songs memorized. During their performance Tony was like, "Where has this crowd been all my career!?!?" Haha it was AMAZING!! So yeah we got to talk to them for like a half hour and we bought shirts and they signed them. This paragraph does not do it justice, I guess you had to be there.

Alright. So December 1st there was a concert down in Tucson I was so excited to go to. Forever The Sickest Kids and The Rocket Summer were playing. The Rocket Summer battles Muse for the spot of my all-time favorite band. So yeah basically I am in love with this band!! And FTSK is also in my top 5. Haha you guys don't care oh well. So like I said, I was so excited for this and had been planning on going for like 3 months. Randy and I were going to go together and Travis was gonna come too. Well lame news, Randy found out he couldn't ask that day off from work. And then Travis found out he had a stupid band concert the same night. So luckily Brianna wanted to go!!!!!

We left at 3:30 and got there around 5:30 or so. The doors opened at 6 and the concert started at 6:30. There were 4 other bands playing: Some sucky band I can't remember the name of, Artist vs Poet, My Favorite Highway, and Sing It Loud. I'd never heard of any of them but all of them were so good!!! This is a picture of Brianna, Nate and I. Nate is in the band Sing It Loud and Brianna LOVES him now, it's hilarious haha!!! She calls him Nate-alicious. And she got him to sign her wallet. Omg. <3>

Here's Forever The Sickest Kids!:

And THE ROCKET SUMMER!!!!!!!:

So for those of you who don't know The Rocket Summer, this is Bryce Avary. He's pretty much a one-man band...like he writes all the songs and records every single part then just puts them together. He is amazing. (Also his wife runs the merchandise table so I got to meet her and she was so cute!) But during performances he's got other guys that come out and play the instruments he's not playing. But he started the performance playing the drums then when he stopped, the drums kept playing through the speakers and while they were going, he'd slowly add each instrument one by one. It was cool.

Here's Bryce when he CAME DOWN AND PLAYED IN THE AUDIENCE!!!!! I touched his shirt when he was crowd-surfing back onto the stage!!! Haha!

So yeah the concert was brilliant. No words for it. It got over at like 11:30. We didn't get home til 1:30 in the morning haha. I definitely ditched my morning classes to sleep.

Lacey and Becca came home for Thanksgiving so last weekend we all hung out with Matt. It was so fun. It made me miss high school. Well not high school...just the always-getting-to-be-together aspect of high school. Here we are being creepers outside of Dunkin Donuts:

And here we are being best friends outside of Dunkin Donuts:

I think we all look alike in this picture haha probably just because our hair and eyes are all the same color. Anyways.

So yeah this is my extremely-boring-to-other-people-but-ridiculously-exciting-to-me post.

Oh but here is some news that those of you who I haven't already told might find exciting:

So he will remain nameless for safety's sake, but there is this guy who I was kind of liking, but he was confusing me and I couldn't tell if he was flirting or being buddy-buddy. And so I just decided nothing was going to happen and made myself stop liking him. Well...I guess I forced my liking him go dormant haha. We were still really good friends of course. I just stopped worrying about what was going on between us.

He and I are so similar it's kind of weird. Like he is basically the male version of me but more outgoing. So it's always really fun hanging out. Well we were texting yesterday and kind of flirting (it was obviously flirting this time so I was glad for that). And then I asked him if we were still on for hanging out Thursday. He was like "Darn I knew I had something going on!! Do you work Friday or Saturday?" I told him it was fine and not to worry, and that I don't work Friday. His reply: "Dang I'm such a jerk sometimes and always forget about plans I make. Can I take you out Friday?! Just you and me?! :]" !?!? So I said yes that would be fun. I was confused and wasn't sure if this was a) a hang out, b) an I'm-sorry-we-haven't-gotten-to-hang-out-lately date, or c) a date date.

We have this running joke about going to Disneyland. Our answer to everything is "Let's go to Disneyland." So like an hour later, he texts me: "Want to go to Disneyland for our date?!" He used the word date. And I have talked to a few experts (namely Mom, Anamin, Brianna, Kaela, and Brad) and they all said it's definitely a date date. Sooo....!?!?!?!? Maybe something will happen after all. But then it's lame too since I'm moving in a month. But at the same time he has two sisters who live in the Provo area....ahh the end.

Okay one more thing. Sorry this post is so long. Yesterday I hung out with Jon Reyes. I went to his apartment and we watched Up. By the way I LOVE that movie!!! So cute. During the movie we somehow ended up closer to each other than we were when the movie started (not my doing) and he kept like making our knees touch and he kept teasing me about stuff and kind of doing that elbow nudge thing to me. And in my head I was thinking, "Oh great. He likes me." After I left I began just hoping he was being silly and that it was nothing more. Because he knows what I want in a guy. And he knows he's not it. And he knows I'm moving in a month. Well, last night he texted me asking me on a date. WHY!?!?!?!?!? Also, why do NO as in ZERO guys ask me on a date for almost an entire year since Stephen and I broke up but then two guys ask me in the same day, right before I move!?!?!?!? Ahh. Whatever.....

The end.