My Heart

doesn't feel very good.

I know going to BYU is the right thing for me to do right now but really why does it have to be so hard?...

How can I stand leaving Travis and Jorge and my family and my dog?

The thing with Travis and Jorge is that in all reality, this will be the last time our friendships will be the way they are. Because while I'm gone, they'll leave on their missions. And of course since I'll be at BYU (haha) it will be a possibility that I'll get married while they're gone. Then we can't be best friends anymore.

I know that when I get married I will be so happy and everything will fall into place. But as I'm not married right now, or I guess since I don't have that "significant other," it seems pointless to lose my friendship with Travis and Jorge. Does that make sense? I mean not that I'm basing my happiness on boys but just the fact that things have to change right now instead of when I actually meet someone. I'm not doing a very good job of writing what I'm feeling. Anyways.

I feel like there is an impending loneliness coming my way. I know I'll get through it and things really will turn out well in the end, that they'll turn out the way Heavenly Father has in mind, but the journey to that point isn't easy. Life isn't easy. It is emotionally draining. Gaaahhh. I love Travis and I love Jorge. I love my mom and my dad and my brother. Things will be okay. They have to change and the process will be hard, I just have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the long run.

I will really miss my brother Travis. We've had such a fun time together these past few months. We've grown a lot closer, we're best friends. It's going to be hard to leave him.

I will miss this period of my life. I move Tuesday.