A Reminder To Myself:

Be happy. Gosh.

So I'm back in Provo now and it's been lovely! I really am happy I just let the minor detail that I see Zach nearly every day get me down all to often. And I dwell on. That needs to stop, ugh!!!

I'll hopefully post soon with some pictures. Since I'm back to school, I'm back to work (thank goodness) and so I never have pictures with me on my work computer.

Here's a few reasons I'm glad to be back at work:

-My days are more structured.
-It's a great time to get homework done without being tempted to ditch it for facebook.
-$$$

I am especially excited for the money part--I'm broke. Around $200 for books (which is actually WAY good), starting car payments around $250, and TRAFFIC SCHOOL (which I've heard is around $200--I have yet to know for sure) really adds up.

Yes I got a ticket driving up here. I was going 80 in a 65 zone just outside of Flagstaff. The highway patrol guy said he eyeballed it at 85 and I wasn't going to argue since he marked it down from "85" to 69!!!! Which is completely amazing because 20 over is criminal speed...ahhh!!! On top of that he told me if I do traffic school nothing will show up on my insurance. So I am eternally grateful to that guy.

Well hopefully I'll remember to put pictures on my work computer soon so I can post a more exciting update. Woo! Hope all's well for you guys.

Keeping You All Posted...

I just realized most of my posts are either extremely wordy or extremely picturey. And here is a picturey one for you. Here's what I've been doing the past couple weeks:

Celesta, me, and Becca at the YSA campout (which if you ask me was...disappointing).

Camping is no excuse to neglect hygiene!

Last Tuesday it was rainy and I wanted to go driving. I ended up partying with Jorge, Celesta, and my long lost friend Matt Johnson. We were in first and second grade together.

Had a goodbye-type lunch with dear Allie and Clarice at Applebee's.

One night Travis and I wanted to see how far east Main Street goes. On our journey, we noticed a Goodwill neither of us had been to (unheard of!) and a restaurant called Scuttlebutts way the heck out in AJ. We returned a few days later to experience both. Scuttlebutts wasn't bad but the name is cooler than the food is good. :] But now we can say we've been and have a funny pic to prove it. Please note the excellence of Travis's hair.

Becca, Celesta and I at a movie night (Princess Bride!) last Thursday we had with Matt Johnson, his friend Rocky, and Trav.

We wanted my mom in the picture...this is what we got.

My dear little brother Travis and I on the way to a family dinner with the Shepples and Grandma on Friday.

I told my dad to smile. I taught him well.

And this was for a movie my brother and I made. I'm really glad you can see up my nose.

A few worthwhile things to document that are pictureless:

-Last week we had FHE at our stake president's house. He lives in a gated community with a lake. Awesome. That is basically where Matt and I re-friended each other, along with another long lost friend Mitch Turley. We went out on the lake in a paddle boat--super fun and also near sinkage--then went back to Matt's and watched Get Smart. One of the funniest movies ever...

-Friday night I hung out with Matt Robinson. He's such a good friend, he listened to me rant the whole time haha. I don't really even remember what I was ranting about...part of it fear of running into Zach soon, but the rest of it I have no clue. Hahah....

-Saturday night my friend Toast and I went to the YSA fireside by Elder Neil L. Andersen where we sat with Clarice and her bro. It was excellent, Elder Andersen is hysterical. After, I went to Chili's with Matt and some other people from the ward. Then we went to this kid named Mike's house and watched What About Bob. Another great one wooo.

-Sunday was my last day in the Pioneer Ward. :[

-Sunday night I went to the visitor's center with Matt and some of the same kids from our ward.

-Yesterday I went to lunch with my dear Jorge.

-Tonight me, Matt, Celesta, and Becca were going to watch Sword in the Stone but all plans fell through...I guess it's for the best though because I have to start packing for Provo sometime...

-Tomorrow night will hopefully be a big party! With me, Lacey and Cody, Matt Robinson, Travis, Becca, and maybe Matt J and Celesta. Wooo!!

-Thursday I go back up to Provo. Sad!!! But also some happy! haha

The end.

One Whole Year

I have a dear friend, who I believe no longer considers me a friend. You probably all know who I'm talking about.

We've gone our separate ways. I still care about him greatly but I feel good about this choice.

However, today, August 12, is a very special day. It's his one year anniversary. I really wish I could congratulate him, but feel that would be unwise. So, to partially alleviate my need to wish him the best and congratulate him, I'll do it here publicly (though he will never see it):

Congratulations on making it a whole year. I am so proud of you. I know it hasn't been easy. You have so many years ahead of you and I know that now you've made it one year, you can make it 50 years. I hope you have a great day, I hope you celebrate, I hope you're happy, and I hope you're well. :]

And yes, I do miss you. But things are good.

Being Happy

Life is about doing what the Lord asks, not about whether what He asks of us is hard or not.

And you know what, a lot of the times when we just do the hard things, we find that they're not as hard as we thought. When we are obedient, the Lord is with us. :]

I love Arizona skies.

The Need to Apologize

I realize my last many posts have mainly been about Zach drama and other blah occurrences. And I just really feel like anyone who never knew me and read my blog would think I was a total downer and complainer and no fun. So guys, I'm sorry I've been complaining so much. I'll try to post about the good stuff that happens too. :] Haha.

I figured since my posts over the last few months have basically been about Zach, I will post some pictures to recap the many other things that have been going on. I have this weird tendency that when I'm dating-ish or liking a boy, all of my writing (blog/journal) tends to focus on him and not the other things that go on...a little ridiculous and I feel like I'm 15. SO:

In June my dear Anamin got married! Here's the wedding party. Her lovely bridesmaids included her sister Adriel, Brianna Stew, me, Linda, and Frhonda. To be honest, I was scared when I first saw the skirts because I NEVER wear pink for some reason, and these were BRIGHT. But I think they turned out so well! They definitely looked good when we put them on and matched the wedding perfectly. Plus, Linda and Rhonda's mom made them all. So kind of her :]

Alright. So I decided that I missed the blonde hair I had in high school. Freshman year of college I dyed it brown (actually it turned out black...) and when it started growing out, my hair had turned brown. The blonde period of my life was apparently over. So I decided to dye it to try to achieve this color of my senior year:

(Yeah great picture I know. Just the first one I could find that showed the color well.) My mom was asleep and I have too much hair I knew there was no way I could dye it myself. So my dear friends Matt and Travis came over and did it for me. My brother Travis watched. I hope you're thinking I'm brave for letting boys dye my hair. It was awesome. And they loved it.

Well, the dye didn't take as well as I'd liked but it was a little lighter after...haha.

My family also went on vacation to Big Bear Lake, California. It was way fun. We went on an alpine slide, jet boating, and zip lining.

My parents want to use the following picture for our Christmas cards this year:

Haha. Here's my little bro and I eating ice cream by the cute little shops.

A pretty sunset+Harry Potter=perfect.

A few weeks ago, Brianna, Celesta, Jordan, Kaela and I went to lunch at Paradise Bakery. Celesta discovered many light switches and we decided we needed to take a picture. I think Kaela was embarrassed by our immaturity and did not join us in the picture haha!

Little Camden had his first birthday! I can't get over how freaking cute he is.

Matt turned 20 a few days ago. To celebrate, we painted this picture together. It looks really ugly in the picture but when you see the real thing, it is amazing.

Please note the Oompa Loompa who seems to have some sort of relation to Lady Gaga. Matt and I named him Oompa Gaga. Also, please take note of the lovely black lip prints in the upper left corner and the red and purple smears in the middle. They were made by these:

And here we are. Matt has this random obsession with bowler hats right now..

Most of you know I like making stuff. Here are some of my favorite things I've made.

I want to start selling them but don't really know how to get my stuff out there...I've looked at etsy but can't really figure out how it works. So if you guys know of anyone who wants a beanie or headband/hair bow custom made send them my way! If this actually works out I won't charge too much for them, just enough to make a profit. Woo!

In one of my other posts I mentioned that my parents were making it sound like I wasn't going to be able to have a car. Well, after some praying on all our parts, they changed their mind. Woohoo! They bought me this 07 Honda Accord and it is so lovely! I'm going to be giving them monthly car payments til I've paid them back. Lacey and Matt named my car Methuselah...not sure how I feel about that yet.

Your eyes do not deceive you, it does have volume and channel/track control on the steering wheel!

And a 6 disc CD player!

And a sun roof!

And a clicker key!

It suffices me to say that I am in great debt to my parents and will probably be paying them back for the rest of my existence. Okay not really but yeah.

And here's me being happy.

The end.

To Counter My Last Post

So apparently Heavenly Father always knows exactly what we need. Who'da thunk?

(Disclaimer: Upon re-reading this post I have realized it is more of a Lisa-reminiscing/Lisa-getting-her-feelings-out post again, though not negative like the last one. You have been warned and I apologize for the excessive details and the lengthiness.)

Like I mentioned, I was totally lacking the motivation and desire to even think about saying bye to Zach. We talked on the phone every night (good thing I was putting a sliver of effort into letting us grow apart after I got home...hah!), we told each other about our days, we quizzed each other on the capitals (kinda weird but we decided to learn all of the capitals of all of the countries of the world. We've already done all the states. And I'm proud to say we know about 75-80% out of the 205-ish countries now).

Thinking of ending it meant disrupting my bedtime routine. You know when you're so used to doing something that when you stop doing it you're just kinda at a loss for what to do? Kind of like when you reach the end of the Harry Potter series? Empty. Yeah. Thinking of ending it also meant no more learning the rest of the capitals. Which I am fully aware I could finish by myself but A: when I do weird things like that I tend to lose motivation unless someone's keeping me on my toes and B: it would just make me miss him. It also meant no more teasing each other and calling each other "Lisa Johnson" and "Zachy Mayonnaise" (names both of us hated), no more making fake animals called Lurpclaws fight each other (made by putting the middle and ring fingers together with the thumb and sticking your pinky and pointer fingers straight up, creating a mouth and ears. It has a Lurpclaw call too, but there's no way to describe how to create that noise), no more laughing about mix CDs entitled "The Mallard Diaries," no more driving super fast in his (attractively) loud car, etc. I just couldn't let go.

If you recall a few posts back I wrote about the huge falling out Zach and I had. To sum it up:

Zach used to live a totally different life. He was inactive basically from when he graduated high school til about a year and a half ago. So...seven yearsish. He lived the party life and never had true friends, everyone was out for self-benefit only. So one night when he called me to see if I could pick him up from work 3 hours earlier than planned and I told him I was playing cards with friends, he got really really mad. He didn't understand that I couldn't come because I actually wanted to be with and cared for my friends, he thought I was too into the card game to come. He hung up on me and immediately sent me a nasty text in which he told me to stay out of his life. So I did that. I wasn't mad, just sad. Well at the end of a week of absolutely no communication between the two of us, he called me crying (literally) and apologizing for how rude he was, saying that even if he had a legit reason to be mad he shouldn't have treated me like that and that he really missed me. After we talked he told me that was the most he'd ever groveled to any woman. Wow.

Zach has this burn-the-bridge complex. When he fights with someone, it's easier for him to just totally cut the person off than work it out or agree to go separate ways. He's done that to me not only the time described above but multiple other times as well (though not as dramatic), always coming back and apologizing. He doesn't do that with other people. Come back and apologize I mean. It's kind of sad that he does that, because I know he really cares for me, he just doesn't think logically when he gets mad. And I think he's afraid to lose me because really, this is the first time in a long time he's actually cared for someone. But you know, I talked to his brother about it once and he said, "If he treats you like that, it means he's really comfortable with you. But you don't need to put up with that, you don't deserve that. Tell him you don't have time for that and you're done with him." As hard as it is to agree, he's right.

The other night when Zach and I were talking, I mentioned that I hung out with Travis a lot. He hung up on me and texted me "I am seriously debating never talking to you again." A few minutes later I called him back (should have let it go) and he went off on me, talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and ex's and how he just doesn't have friends who are girls while he's dating. Which is all fine and dandy except that we ARE NOT DATING. So after he calmed down he apologized for acting so idiotically.

Well apparently he's still upset by the fact that I hang out with Travis. I was driving with Trav tonight and Zach called. He was really happy, talking about how he fixed his car, stuff stuff. We were driving with the windows down because Travis's AC is broken and Zach was like, "What are you doing? It's so loud!" I told him driving with the windows down. He asked who I was with. I said a friend. He asked if it was Travis. I said yes. He hung up. I really wanted to text him and say, "You know I care about you a lot but you've got to start acting like you're 26, not 16!!!" But I withstood the temptation.

So, like I said, Heavenly Father knows what I need. He knew that neither of us would stay away from each other if we "ended" on a good note--no motivation to stop talking. I really really hate when things end badly, but sometimes it's gotta happen. Given Zach's and my history, it's a high possibility he'll be calling me soon apologizing, so I need to figure out how I'll handle that. Pray that I'll handle it well and that I won't let it go back to how it's been. And that he won't get mad when I won't let it. All I know is that despite how distraught I am over this, I am also extremely peaceful. Yeah, I want to learn the rest of the capitals, but do I really need to know them? Sure I'll miss our Lurpclaws but those were some great memories. Who knows, maybe we can be friends again in a few months. I've just gotta get myself better. He's still dealing with stuff from his past and he has no motivation to get them out of his life right now. He wants to but nothing's pushing him. So maybe with me gone, he'll realize (not to make myself sound high and mighty by any means) what he can have and want to change. Self-motivation, not Lisa-bugging-me-to-stop-these-things motivation.

So in sum, I do miss Zach. I hope whoever reads this (if you actually read the whole way, wow) doesn't think badly of Zach. He's still mastering the art of thinking things through before he does them. Heck we all are...He's one of my best friends and I love him to death, we just have to go our separate ways right now. But this is good. I honestly and truly hope that he finds happiness. I wish the best for him.

So long for now, Zach. I'll miss you. I hope you know I care. It's been fun. :]

Dear World,

I am lacking motivation to blog. I guess I've got nothing too exciting to blog about.

I suppose I can post a few updates.

I'm home from BYU til mid-August, if I last that long. Thinking about going back up early. I'll have to see what works out.

I thought I'd get my job back at Organ Stop but alas, they are over-staffed right now as it is...so I've been jobless and that means poor.

My dear car, Rapscallion, breathed his last breath, vroomed his last vroom in Provo. My parents were deciding whether to fix the car (replace the transmission) or buy a new car for me then I'd give them monthly car payments. They decided that the latter would be more frugal. However, now they are saying it's way more expensive than they thought it'd be and so I might not have a car up at school. Which really sucks. Call me lazy but I don't feel like walking uphill every day to work then walking home in the dark every evening. Maybe I'm being bitter but I wish we'd have thought this decision through before we got rid of my car. I would have been willing to pay out of my own pocket to fix dear Rapscallion and between Zach's skills and his amazing hook-ups, I probably could have bought and installed a new tranny for under $1000. Ugh...I really hope this works out. I'm sure it will.

Lack of employment at OSP=lack of social life. Basically I hang out with Travis. Which I love, he's my best friend. But it kinda sucks that everyone forgets I'm here haha. Maybe I should take charge and organize more outings...but I really hate being in charge of things, and I've been the "social instigator" if you will in nearly all of my groups of friends since 2003. Maybe that's just what I'm destined for and I should buck up and be happy about it. Please don't let this make you feel guilty or anything, that's not what I'm going for. (Side note: Travis really is amazing. I appreciate that he's not afraid to show that he cares for me and he always wants to hang out, even though I haven't been especially exciting. He's helped (and is still helping) me get out of a lot of rough spots and is firm and straight up with me when no one else is. That's what I need I think. I can't even say how grateful I am for him. I hope all you OSP people appreciate him, because I sure do. :] )

I can't be friends with Zach anymore. At least for a couple months. Many reasons, the main one being that we're both holding each other back. And I'm having a hard time working up the courage/motivation, heck even the desire to end it. He's kinda one of the only people I feel like I can really talk to anymore so that makes it way hard. (To clear up any confusion, he is still in Provo.)

I haven't been getting along with my parents too well. Especially my dad. Which really irritates me, but it makes me more sad than anything. I thought that once you went away to college you like automatically stopped fighting with your parents. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I just don't know.

Well, maybe I shouldn't have posted at all. I feel/sound like such a downer and complainer. That's not what I was going for. Should I push the "publish post" button? I have this weird complex if I type any sort of "venting" post, it doesn't really get off my chest until it's published. Not that I want people reading it. I don't want sympathy or judgments or anything. I don't know maybe it's just the knowledge that my feelings are "out there"...so I guess I'll publish it.

Really, please don't think I'm depressed. I'm not. My parents have already asked if I want to see a counselor. Hah...And I hope I don't sound like a brat. I really am trying to act like I'm 21. I guess this summer has just kind of been a bummer. And I'm sure I could do something to fix it, I just need to figure out what. And also, despite my fights with my parents, I still think they are amazing and I really love them. It's just hard right now for whatever reason.

The end.