Dear World,

I am lacking motivation to blog. I guess I've got nothing too exciting to blog about.

I suppose I can post a few updates.

I'm home from BYU til mid-August, if I last that long. Thinking about going back up early. I'll have to see what works out.

I thought I'd get my job back at Organ Stop but alas, they are over-staffed right now as it is...so I've been jobless and that means poor.

My dear car, Rapscallion, breathed his last breath, vroomed his last vroom in Provo. My parents were deciding whether to fix the car (replace the transmission) or buy a new car for me then I'd give them monthly car payments. They decided that the latter would be more frugal. However, now they are saying it's way more expensive than they thought it'd be and so I might not have a car up at school. Which really sucks. Call me lazy but I don't feel like walking uphill every day to work then walking home in the dark every evening. Maybe I'm being bitter but I wish we'd have thought this decision through before we got rid of my car. I would have been willing to pay out of my own pocket to fix dear Rapscallion and between Zach's skills and his amazing hook-ups, I probably could have bought and installed a new tranny for under $1000. Ugh...I really hope this works out. I'm sure it will.

Lack of employment at OSP=lack of social life. Basically I hang out with Travis. Which I love, he's my best friend. But it kinda sucks that everyone forgets I'm here haha. Maybe I should take charge and organize more outings...but I really hate being in charge of things, and I've been the "social instigator" if you will in nearly all of my groups of friends since 2003. Maybe that's just what I'm destined for and I should buck up and be happy about it. Please don't let this make you feel guilty or anything, that's not what I'm going for. (Side note: Travis really is amazing. I appreciate that he's not afraid to show that he cares for me and he always wants to hang out, even though I haven't been especially exciting. He's helped (and is still helping) me get out of a lot of rough spots and is firm and straight up with me when no one else is. That's what I need I think. I can't even say how grateful I am for him. I hope all you OSP people appreciate him, because I sure do. :] )

I can't be friends with Zach anymore. At least for a couple months. Many reasons, the main one being that we're both holding each other back. And I'm having a hard time working up the courage/motivation, heck even the desire to end it. He's kinda one of the only people I feel like I can really talk to anymore so that makes it way hard. (To clear up any confusion, he is still in Provo.)

I haven't been getting along with my parents too well. Especially my dad. Which really irritates me, but it makes me more sad than anything. I thought that once you went away to college you like automatically stopped fighting with your parents. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I just don't know.

Well, maybe I shouldn't have posted at all. I feel/sound like such a downer and complainer. That's not what I was going for. Should I push the "publish post" button? I have this weird complex if I type any sort of "venting" post, it doesn't really get off my chest until it's published. Not that I want people reading it. I don't want sympathy or judgments or anything. I don't know maybe it's just the knowledge that my feelings are "out there"...so I guess I'll publish it.

Really, please don't think I'm depressed. I'm not. My parents have already asked if I want to see a counselor. Hah...And I hope I don't sound like a brat. I really am trying to act like I'm 21. I guess this summer has just kind of been a bummer. And I'm sure I could do something to fix it, I just need to figure out what. And also, despite my fights with my parents, I still think they are amazing and I really love them. It's just hard right now for whatever reason.

The end.